


Everything After

by Nerd_alert19



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 06:24:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19997317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerd_alert19/pseuds/Nerd_alert19
Summary: Hopeful ending to season six. Saying more would just ruin it for you...





	Everything After

**Author's Note:**

> Does contain spoilers for anything shown leading up to the season six finale, but really....if you havent watched it yet....you need to consider what you're doing with your life.

He was back. They had freed him from the corporeal being inhabiting his body and defeated Izel, and now he was back. Simmons had given him a clean bill of health and declared him healthier than he’s been in his whole life. She’s happy and so grateful. The love of her life was alive and healthy and she could not ask for more than that. She had Phil, but not the one she kissed and declared her love to. It’s not the Phil she spent months intimately with in Tahiti. All of those memories of lazy mornings spent in bed trading soft words and caresses and all of those nights exploring each other between whispered ‘I love you’s’ where hers alone now. This Phil did not have those memories. He never had those experiences. The man she had now had not died, and everything had changed. He didn’t even know she loved him. This Phil might not love her back after all of this. He was back, and she would be eternally grateful for that. That was enough.

She hadn’t been avoiding him since they got him back. In fact, she sat with him through each and every test that Jemma had insisted she perform. She didn’t leave his side as the team debriefed and gave him a glossed over review of the year he had missed, and she even walked him back to his room that night. She held her breath as he watched her, clinched her fist to keep from touching him as they stood outside of his door, and allowed herself to hope for just a moment that he was going to say something to her. There were no words of loved pronounced, or warm embraces. He didn’t invite her in to talk and figure out what comes next. He simply studied her for a moment, thanked her for saving his ass once again, and then said goodnight as he made his way into his bunk.

That was two days ago, and she wasn’t avoiding him, but she needed some time and space to clear her head. She needed time to grieve. Phil was back, but he wasn’t the man who revealed cheesy pick up lines he was too nervous to tell her way back when. He wasn’t the man who held her hand as they walked on white sand beaches and confessed to years of longing and missed opportunities. This wasn’t the Phil that was so sure he loved her. This was the Phil who had wanted to take a step back, who had been inhabited by an alien being, and who seemed to be in no hurry to spend time with her now.

She needed to blow off some steam and work through her frustrations. It was late and the gym was empty. She soaked in the solitude and the feeling of release coursing through her as her fist and legs connected with the bag. She worked to shut down her mind and focus on the movement of her lungs filling with deep breaths and her body exhaling her frustrations. She had almost managed to relax when she felt the presence of someone in the room. It wasn’t Phil. She knew him more intimately than anyone she had ever known. She could always just _feel_ when they shared the same space. She missed that so much over the past year. She missed it now.

  
She turned as she felt Daisy approach, and used the interruption to take a long drink from her water bottle. The cold liquid should have felt refreshing. It didn’t, and she couldn’t quite pinpoint why.

  
“It’s a little late for a work out don’t you think?” She asked as she dropped herself down on the nearby bench.

“It’s never too late for exercise and training.” She responded, more than willing to carry out meaningless conversation despite knowing that Daisy was here for a reason.

Daisy seemed less inclined to postpone the more serious topic she had in mind, and was less than subtle when she offered, “I figured you and Coulson would be off together….you know…celebrating his return.”

She would have been amused at the blush that spread across the girl's face, if her heart didn’t ache at the reminder that they weren’t off celebrating as they should have been. She wasn’t even sure where in the base he was right now, she just knew where he wasn’t.

  
May’s quiet reflection was more than the young woman’s patience could tolerate, and she caught May’s eye as she got to the point.

“Why aren’t you together?”

“He doesn’t remember, Daisy.” She sighed as she started to remove the gloves and tape from her hands. She could feel the bruises on her knuckles and allowed the slight distraction the stinging pain provided.

“So….you remind him.” She stated with a shrug of her shoulders as if it were as obvious and easy as that. If only it were.

“He’s different now. This changed him. If he decides that this isn’t what he wants, that I’m not what he wants, then I’ll accept that, because he isn’t dead. All that matters is that he isn’t dead.” She had told herself that same phrase over and over these last few days. She repeated it like a mantra and she meant it, even if it hurt.

“But he loves you. Of course you’re what he wants!” She responded vehemently, but May just picked at the tape on her hands and took a long deep breath before looking up and meeting her eyes.

“Then I’ll be patient.” She said softly. “I’ve buried him twice now, Daisy. I can’t do that again. He’s my best friend, and having him back, alive and healthy, is enough. I can be content with that.”

“But you can be more than content! You can be happy! You both deserve to be happy.” She trailed off.

Melinda watched her carefully for a moment. She wanted to believe that she deserved that. She was far from the woman that first stepped on the bus weighed down by the guilt of what happened it Bahrain. Her time in the framework, seeing the alternative of the choice she made that day, had lifted part of that burden from her. She wasn’t that woman any more. She wanted to be happy, but the universe had put a lot of effort into keeping her from that these past several years. Every time she was close enough to touch it, reality would slam into her and take it away again. Anyone else who had torn down and built back up the emotional walls as much as she had would have given up a long time ago. She wasn’t giving up yet, because somewhere in this base Phil Coulson was alive again. She just wasn’t as hopeful these days.

“Just don’t push, okay?” She finally requested. Daisy seemed on the cusp of arguing with her, but kept her tongue and instead slowly nodded and gave her own request.

“Fine. As long as you don’t give up.”

  
She gave a soft smile and hoped to placate her with a shrug and admission. “I haven’t given up on that man for over 30 yrs. I hold the record for patience and longevity. We just need time. Okay?”

“Okay.” She sighed.

  
Daisy stood to leave the gym, but after only a step in that direction, she turned and pulled May into a tight hug. Melinda was startled at first, but her arms found her way around Daisy’s waist and she relished in the momentary comfort.

  
“He could probably use one of these from you too……not that I’m pushing.” She said with a smirk as she turned from Melinda and headed toward the gym’s exit.

  
“Plus I hear there’s much more enjoyable ways to relieve frustrations….just please don’t tell me about it if you decide to pursue them with ‘Dad’.”

  
She wasn’t about to respond to that and instead rolled her eyes and started cleaning up the gym. She left behind no trace that she had even been there, and made her way to the locker room showers. She felt her body relax under the hot spray and indulged herself in memories of long showers shared with him in a Tahitian cabin. She replayed each memory until the warm water ran out and then stood another moment longer under the punishing cold before shutting off the water and wrapping herself in a towel.

  
She took the time to dry her hair, hoping to tire herself out enough to sleep. She hasn’t slept through the night since she saw his face again through smoke and haze. It should be easier now that he’s back, but the last few nights were simply filled with a different restlessness.

  
It would probably help her to take some time off and get away for a while; clear her head. That felt too much like running away. She wouldn’t do that now. She had run from her demons before.

  
There were no demons this time, just a man she loved more than life itself who had no idea he had allowed himself to love her back. How could she miss someone so much when they were here with you. She hated herself for that. She should just be so happy that he’s here and alive. She shouldn’t jinx them both again by longing for more. Maybe she was the curse, and her very presence in his life has been the catalyst for all of his sufferings. The thought of that made her chest feel tight and her stomach churn.

  
These dark thoughts were erasing all of the work she had done in the gym to clear her head. She turned her thoughts to more menial things as she made her way to her room. She had just reached for the keypad to open her door when she felt it: that electric crackling in the air that made her heart speed up just a little and her fingers tingle with energy. She took a steadying breath before pushing the door open and stepping into her bunk.

  
Even feeling his presence and knowing he was there did not prepare her for the unexpected sight of Phil Coulson stretched across her bed fast asleep. He wore soft sweats and a well worn academy shirt that matched the one in her drawer. She didn’t feel bad the day she had stolen it from his room all those years ago, and she didn’t feel bad about it now. She had worn it every night for months after he died. Having something of his to touch and remind her of their time together had helped her through the grief. Seeing him wearing the other one now made her want to hold him close. His face was relaxed in sleep and his skin was covered in raised bumps from the chill in her room. She’d spent months falling asleep next to him, and she choked back a sob at the familiarity of the scene before her. She knew she couldn’t pull the covers from underneath him without waking him, so she pulled a blanket from the trunk at the foot of her bed to cover him with.

  
She quietly went about her nightly routine between stolen glances at her bed. He hadn’t moved since she walked in. She was mentally debating whether she should wake him or join him when his voice floated softly across the room.

“I tried to wait up for you, but you were taking to long to come back to your room.”

  
He still hadn’t opened his eyes and her heart ached at the tenderness of his tone. She had spent weeks listening to the gruff and crude tone of Sarge, but that man was gone. This voice belonged to the man she had been in love with for over half of her life. She closed her eyes in an attempt to fight off the moisture building in them at the relief that he had made it through again. When she opened them a moment later, he was watching her with such care and concern that a few tears escaped against her will, and she glanced away to gather herself.

“Hey, come here.” He implored with an outstretched hand as he sat up to make room for her on the bed.

  
She hesitated for only a moment before going to join him. She had only managed to sit down next to him before he was wrapping her in his arms and pulling her close to his side. She wrapped her arms around his waist as she leaned into him and pressed her cheek to his shoulder. She took a deep breath to breathe him in, but it came out as more of a shudder. They sat there like that for a while, both content to just be with each other. He pressed the occasional kiss to the top of her head, and she closed her eyes tight to soak it all in. She remembered the last time he had been strong enough to hold her like this. She never thought she’d have the chance to be like this with him again. She held him tighter and pressed the softest kiss to his shoulder with the turn of her cheek.

  
“You know that plan to take a step back?” He asked with little more than a whisper.

  
“Yes.” she whispered back as her heart grew heavy at the reminder.

  
He grew silent for a moment then, thoughtful. He pressed another kiss to the top of her head before responding.

  
“That was a terrible idea wasn’t it?”

  
“The worst.” She agreed and smiled for the fist time in days.

  
“We should come up with a new plan.”

  
“I’m listening.”

  
“I don’t know what happened with us after I closed the rift, Melinda; but I feel it was important. I don’t have those memories….I guess I never did. I never got to live those days and moments with you."

  
“I know” she said softly as her heart began to ache.

  
“So I was thinking….we should make some new memories. These will be better memories than before. These won’t be tainted by the fear of what’s coming next..... These memories won’t be the result of the ending of a life........but the beginning of one...... Together.”

  
She couldn’t breathe let alone respond, so he continued on.

  
“I’ve been in love with you forever, Melinda, and in every variation of every life I’ve lived. I’ve spent half my life waiting to be with you, so I know I can be patient. We can wait until you’re ready. I just want you to know that I want a life with you, and when you’re ready…if you want that….then I’ll be ready too.”

She picked her head up off his shoulder and looked at him then. He was always better with words, but she didn’t need them. It took merely a stretch of her neck to press her lips to his. It was as soft and sweet as a second 'first kiss' should be, and she pulled away just enough to press her forehead to his. They sat there for a moment, both with eyes closed and soft smiles on their faces. She briefly wondered with amusement how he would feel hearing about how he kissed her passionately behind his shield to shut her up, but decided to find out later as his lips found hers again…..and again….and again. They spent the rest of the night making new memories to replace all of the ones he didn’t have.

She woke slowly and was momentarily disoriented before she recognized the weight across her middle as Phil’s arm. With each moment of wakefulness she became aware of all the little things: the soft huff of breath against the back of her neck, the warmth against her back where his chest contacted her bare skin, the way his legs curled into hers, and the slight change in his breathing as he started to stir. She gave him a moment to wake and realize where he was, and a smile spread across her face as he hummed and pulled her tighter to his chest.

  
“Good morning, sweetheart” He spoke against her shoulder before placing a soft kiss to the skin there. She smiled at the term of endearment she never knew she’d like, and slid her hand across his forearm to pull it tighter around her waist.

  
“Mmm….good morning” she murmured in response.

  
Neither felt the need to move or say anything else after that, and he started to drift off again; but was pulled back awake by the sound and feel of her stomach growling under his arm.

  
“Guess this place hasn’t added room service while I was gone have they?”

  
“No” she chuckled “but I’ll put in a request for you later if you want.”

  
“well…it seemed like a good idea….until I realized we would need someone to deliver it to us, and I’m not keen on any of them coming in here.”

  
“mmm….hmm” she agreed “I guess that means we’re going to have to get up then. I’m hungry.”

  
It took a few more minutes for them to actually follow through with that plan, and he watched her thoughtfully as they dressed.

  
“Hey, Mel” he said, and she could hear the hesitation in his tone “This is it for me. I don’t want to take any more steps back. I want to move forward with you. I would say I’m okay with taking it slow, but we kind of blew through that last night. I guess I just want to know that’s going to be waiting for us at the end of the day from now on. I mean…not necessarily _that_ , but I want to know I’m going to get to come home to you at the end of the day and wake up next to you. So…maybe we should talk about that.”

  
“My room is bigger.” She said without preamble. He seemed confused so she continued. “You took the smallest room for yourself when we first got here, so I think it would work better if you just moved your stuff in here. After we grab some breakfast, I can clear out part of the dresser and closet while you go pack up your things......that way when we come home tonight it will be done, and we can work on your memories some more….unless you still think we should talk….”

  
“Nope! I don’t think we need to talk. You’ve got a solid plan. Best plan I’ve ever heard actually. I nominate you as the official planner from now on in fact. Good plan, Melinda. A+”

  
She laughed and pressed a soft kiss to his lips to end his rambling. His hands slid around her waist to pull her close, and her hands slid up his chest and around his neck as she depended the kiss. Several moments later, she pulled away enough to be able to look into his eyes. She smiled gently and said, “This is it for me too, Phil. Whatever happens next, we face together.” He nodded, and she smiled as he pressed his lips to her forehead. Her hands slid back down to his chest, and she pressed against him just a little as she warned, “But Phil, if you don’t feed me soon…you won’t like what happens next.

  
His eyes widened as he said, “Yes ma'am” and began pulling her toward the door.

  
She laughed and interlocked their fingers as they made their way to the kitchen. He was back, and they were building new memories and a new life together. This was more than enough.

  
This was everything.


End file.
